Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
