You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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