Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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