Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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