I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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