i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
