you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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