Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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