I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
