why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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