why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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