sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
