the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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