so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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