I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
