Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
