you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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