I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
