My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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