Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
