We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize