I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
