I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
