So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
