Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my poor anus
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
