im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize