I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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