i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
