Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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