Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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