And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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