My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
