this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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