well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
