clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
