it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
