Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
try to milk me bitch
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