You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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