just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
