Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
