fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
