Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
