Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize