Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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