My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
