i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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