zippers are such a cool invention
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
