At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
