yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
