Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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