I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize