and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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