I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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