Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
True college students do jello shots in the library
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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