just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
