Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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