He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
