Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
