Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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