hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
