It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
