how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
