Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize