i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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