you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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