Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
