I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
