you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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