they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
