ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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